there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
