She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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