I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
