He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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