hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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