redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
