obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
