Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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