I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
