he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
