I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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