okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
