hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
