Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
