just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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