So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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