oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
