I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
