i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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