Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
