First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
