He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
