I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
