you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
