he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
