The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
