lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
