Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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