Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
smell my finger.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
