Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
