I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
