My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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