um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
