Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
