Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
