You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
