I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
