well I can't set my house on fire every night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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