i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I deserve this hangover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
