bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
