Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
