He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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