is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
