I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
