sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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