I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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