I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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