I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
