Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
