I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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