Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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